PFDiva lives to yak another day

"Well there's floodin' down in Texas

All of the telephone lines are down

And I've been tryin' to call my baby

Lord and I can't get a single sound."

-S.R.V.

*Trigger warning for anyone who has lost somebody to drowning.

Tony has been telling me that I put way too many statistics in my blogs, and most people tune out because of that.  For this entry, I’ve decided to put away my research and just go for it:

People are drowning.  At Sea.  In Lakes.  In Rivers. In Texas Floods.  Lots of people.  In record numbers this year.  And almost all of those people could have avoided their deaths by wearing a life vest of some sort.  

As a kayak angler, there isn’t a single part of my brain that understands this blatant disregard for life.  I’ve seen anglers attach rod floats to their custom rods while explaining that, “that sucker cost me $300.  I don’t want to lose that fine piece of work.”  I’ve seen anglers buy floating keychains, floating fish grips, floating measuring boards, floating sunglasses.  These kayakers will buy paddle leashes, zip-ties, action cam mounts, floating stringers, bungees, etc.---- all in the name of protecting their precious cargo.  But God for-freaking-bid they protect the most precious cargo in that boat… their own lives.

There are plenty of excuses, and I have an answer to all of them:

1. PFDs are uncomfortable.  Yeah, well, so is a jock strap and a cup--- but I’m sure you don’t mind protecting those jewels.
2. PFDs are expensive.  Yeah, well, so are funerals.
3. PFDs are bulky and make me look fat.  Yeah, well, birth control makes you look fat, but I promise you look more fat when you’re pregnant.  
4. PFDs are constricting.  Yeah, well, I bet you won’t be able to move around much after you’ve drowned either.
5. I can’t find a PFD that I like.  Yeah, well, I bet your family won’t find a casket for you that they like.
6. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

If you think I’m being too harsh, I don’t care anymore.  I most certainly am judging you if you aren’t wearing a PFD while you are on the water.  You might think - “well, I’m familiar with this area of water.”   No.  No, you are not.  Unless you’re freaking Jacques Cousteau’s genius mentor/ submarine guide to the entire oceanic floor, then you are NOT familiar with that water.  That water is an unpredictable beast.  She is a doting wife one second and an angry mistress the next.  If you think you can clock her movements, with observable science, you need mental help.  If you think that you aren’t hurting anyone else, you are dead wrong.  That sea will swallow you whole and look for her next snack while your family and government employees lose weeks of sleep and suffer irreversible trauma because of your negligence.

I’ve got those excuses too.  I still haven’t found my go-to life vest because this PFDiva needs:

1. an appropriate length.  I’m 5 ft. 10 inches. Not all chicks are 5 ft. 2 inches.  It would be awesome if it didn’t look like I was wearing a toddler life jacket every time I sat down in the yak.
2. a cost that isn’t higher than my wedding ring.  Seriously--- if it costs that much, my husband might feel that my priorities were a little sketchy (Who am I kidding- we all know he’d be proud).
3. cute colors and a fitted shape because I am not trying to be one of the guys.  I’m a woman- and that PFD better be damn awesome if it’s gonna be covering up my Rowdy Maui shirt.  Maybe some girls want to wear RealTree Camo print, but I’m just fine NOT shooting a deer from my yak. Plus, I'd really like to NOT be "invisible" to nearby boaters. 
4. room for actual boobs to actually exist while breathing at the same time (not the kind that are paid for and just stay in one place, not the tiny runway model kind--- the kind that fed two kids and shift around during movement).  Also-  I have hips. Please account for that extra space, so my vest doesn’t ride up and give me double chins during my grip and grins.
5. While I'm at it--- Can I get an "AMEN" for top-loading pockets? Who in the hell decided that women's PFDs needed no pockets? Who in the hell thought side-loading pockets were convenient on a life jacket? I mean- I'm girly, but I damn sure don't take my purse out on the yak with me, C'mon y'all. For Real-----> top loading pockets, please. 
6. And a convenient place to clip my pink Smith and Wesson knife.

What it all boils down to is that this buttercup is gonna suck it up.  I just flat out don’t care anymore about any of those excuses.  I have them all too, but there isn’t a single part of me that thinks I will look cute getting sucked into the vortex that is Charybdis, grasping for my life or stuck under the root of a huge tree in the Trinity River while Equisearch and my family scour a grid on a map looking for my dead and bloated bass-eaten body.

This PFDiva will continue to sport a cheap Stearns life-jacket from Walmart until my design demands are met, but you (without a doubt) won’t catch me in the yak without it because forgetting your PFD is just like forgetting you left your baby in the backseat of the car during an August heatwave.  Both actions can destroy the most precious cargo.

To Simplify, or Not to Simplify? A Yak Question.

I've been kayaking sporadically since I earned my first beads for a wet exit at Kamp Kanakuk in 7th grade. But, in January, we snagged a good deal on a 2014 Wilderness Ride 135, and that's when things got serious.

Me in my Ride 135

Tony drove all the way to Lafayette, Louisiana to pick up my baby and to add a Tarpon 140 to our fleet. I don't call them our "babies" lightly. When you've got four yaks carefully stowed in your garage and two vehicles parked in the driveway exposed to the elements, it's a huge statement about your priorities. Judge us if you want.

The new babies from Louisiana

The amazing thing about kayaks is that they provide a sort of simplicity to the angling sport. Here are a few examples of what I mean:

1) Boats are freaking expensive!

The cost of maintaining a boat is out of the question for most people. I believe that we'd have to take out a second mortgage on the house to pay for said boat. We'd spend all of our extra cash paying for gas just to take the boat out. Then you've got to worry about insurance and maintenance on top of that. My dad (a boat owner) often reminds me that there are two most exciting days for a boat owner: the day you buy your boat and the day you get rid of it. At this point, we've had zero finance fees, zero fuel costs, and zero maintenance issues with any of our four yaks.

2) Kayaks are extremely portable.

Unlike boats, no special trailers are necessary when you are ready to drop everything and get out on the water. I've even witnessed my 100 lb. friend whip out her tandem yak and scoot it right on top of her Pontiac Grand Am, and strap it to her roof with ease. We were loaded up and on the water within minutes.

Easily loaded and ready to go

3) Yaks provide an added health benefit.

I can tell you from experience that with proper paddling techniques, you will get a full body workout from a day on the yak. It's not just an upper body thing. Your core is constantly working to keep you balanced and aiding in a stronger and more efficient paddle while your legs are helping to brace your position and boost your speed. I don't remember having a single sore muscle on the days I was out on the boat.

4) Yaks are Eco-friendly.

That's right. No environmentally-damaging emissions given off from these babies. No worries about fuel spills in our bays that will harm the aquatic life.

5) Yaks provide the ability to navigate areas that you can't get to by boat or foot.

Man, oh man- have we been able to creep into some confined spaces with these babies. I've seen some things in an up-close and personal way that I never would have been able to experience from a boat simply because boats are much bigger.

Can your boat go here?

or here?

what about here?

  

All that being said--- there are plenty of yak options that will enable you to bring out your inner-techie.

1) Maybe you don't want a full-body workout or have physical limitations.

Some people choose to get a yak with system that allows them to propel the craft by foot.  Others even add-on a trolling motor.

2) ELECTRONICS!

In a world where we are always "plugged-in", it's quite a change to get out on a yak with no electronics. If that bothers you, most yaks are built with that in mind. You can easily have a fish finder  installed or purchase mounting systems  for your action camera and smart phone.

Tony- battling a red fish and his go-pro

3) Gear Storage

Holy options, Batman! I can't even begin to list the numerous choices you've got for storing your gear on a yak. Rod holders, and Black Paks , and Trax systems - Oh My! We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto. I'll be the first to admit that juggling a paddle and a rod at the same time would even frustrate Ghandi.

4) Seats

After a day on the water, it's normal to get what I call "bleacher butt". This is a condition categorized by numbness and discomfort even in the most naturally padded hind-ends. This is one of the many reasons we are loyal to Wilderness Systems. They've got the best yak seats on the market. Most of their yaks come standard with a low riding seat that will easily slide forward or backward for proper positioning. You can adjust the straps for better back support which aides in the paddling process. Or--- you can upgrade to their high-seat if you want to get a better view for sight-casting. If that's not enough for you, their new ATAK yak  has what I call the "Autobot" seat option. It's actually called the AirPro Max 3D seat. This bad boy can do everything. In true Transformer- fashion, this sucker can fold all the way down when not in use, it can slide forward or backward across the length of almost the entire deck, it can lift and lower, or it can be adjusted into a standing perch for sight-casting and bleacher-butt avoidance. (Yes, please!)

(Wildernesssystems.com)

(Wildernesssystems.com)

           

5) Colors

In the kayaking world, it's always an added safety benefit to have a yak that is bright in color, so you become more visible to boaters on the water. Although, many hunters opt for something more neutral in order to camouflage the yak from their prey. If you're looking for a good deal, you take whatever color you can get then pimp out the yak with colored Trax systems, bungee , or ConSeal Kits.

It all boils down to the person in the yak. While the simplicity of yak fishing is certainly alluring, there are many add-ons that offer convenience and ease.  Gear does matter. I started fishing with a Shakespeare rod and reel combo and it sort-of got the job done. After I upgraded to a Hook Spit  Hot Stix rod with an Okuma Trio spinning reel, I quickly realized that Shakespeare don't know shit about fishing. Yet--- Hamlet's centuries-old questioning still remains. To simplify or not to simplify?

That, my friends, is a balance you choose for yourself.